Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We're too hungover to prance.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
