I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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