I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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