Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
