ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Everclear isn't food dammit
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
