When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
