I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Who died my cat blue again?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
