I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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