I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
