Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
