theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?