sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?