I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.