I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"