wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.