why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.