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my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
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