got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
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I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
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Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS