i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
There's even glitter on my cock...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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