I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
