you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
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