Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me