I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice