my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.