Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot