My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
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Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
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Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."