gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
