The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
