I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
