All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
