apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
