So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
