Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
