Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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