At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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