Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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