So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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