so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
