Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
