I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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