you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
