is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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