Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize