I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
