this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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