Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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