they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
