a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
