I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
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