I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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