John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize