please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
