The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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