After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
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Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
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I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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