You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
