Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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