Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
