if you like me you must not know who I am
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
tonight lets celebrate not being married
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as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
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It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize