if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
