She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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