spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
