The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
