Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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