I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have tasted many bathrooms
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize