Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
