it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
